Thursday, March 24, 2011

HIBI seems good, thats all i say

Some ramblings from a person who would be best classified as non-political or someone who is a little, very little mind you, inclined towards the Nehru clan for their sheer mastery of history and intellect.. Boy letters to indira, the best example of what a dad writes to his 13 year old daughter, world history, from the ancient Indus and Mesopotamian to the contemporary stories from around the world, written from memory, from a prison cell. I couldn't do anything but sit in awe and admiration and that explains my political inclination, if ever there is something like that.I have seen Hibi in my college, though he never studied there, guess came to ours to develop the KSU. Now I am not a supporter of that cause, don't believe in student politics which is only the younger version of a grown up political party. Maybe if they had some ideology to preach, real ones mind you, i would have been happy following. I haven't ever spoke to him and our acquaintance extends to a smile, 100 meters away from the college gate during elections the last year of my college. He knew I had a vote and it didn't hurt him to smile, so smiled. That is my take on it. I am a realist, so please don't mind the pun. But leaving aside all that, let me get the facts straight for you.

This guy seems to be someone just like you and me, he has got a face book profile, maybe with more friends than you and I; seems to wear not always the mundu, but the levis as well; do not resemble that old uncle in your family, who coughs so very bad; looks healthy and boy he speaks in English and a little bit of Hindi like a normal mallu; shares some mutual friends with everyone of us in Facebook...the thing is, I find it easy to associate with him. He seems to be withing my reach, not some random guy whom I vote for and then never hear again for 5 years. If he does nothing, to express my anger, i can abuse his wall on facebook or write a blog about him, abusing him. He seems to live in the same world as I am, not in some time when land reforms and communism came into effect and some sect got inspired by the Maoist thoughts, nor during a period when we are at war with China nor someone declared emergency for political gains.Dr. Sebastian Paul is a worthy candidate, a veteran who retired into the practice of law, when the CPIM in Kerala had a turmoil. I am not a fan of him, but sure respects him for some of his articles and true, the man is good. Having said all that, I think, he shouldn't have ventured back again into politics, because the politics today is not worthy of him or at least the CPIM doesn't deserve him after the way they treated him last time.

"Honey so sweet that a sip will make you a slave for ever", that is what some wise man said about power in a democracy. Lets wait and witness the tales unfold of treachery and fights in the coming days, the circus we get to witness and the gimmick that is made out of the whole thing called, democracy and mind you in the GODS own COUNTRY. Guess Zeus is sleeping or he is bored interfering :)

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

a tale of prodigal love

06:53 AM
"Kiss me and smile for me..tell me that you will wait for me.........I am leaving, on a jet plane..." 

The mobile phone alarm was punctual, on the precise spot. "THE one technology that paved in roads into so many bedrooms of both young and old, even past midnight. Infidelity was no longer a taboo, not an impossible task, but only a mixture of carnal instincts, good wooing skills, a sense to remain discreet and BINGO. Things were easy, 10 numbers was the distance and then you could be in the room of your choice". This was the first thought that flashed across his mind, when the phone rang at its designated time. He didn't extend his hands searching for the phone, but closed his eyes and thought about the previous night. "It was no different. It had been like this for some months now, a little vodka during dinner and then the beloved phone, closes the space of ten digits that separates me from a list of members of the fairer, prettier sex. The shots gets played, the price  negotiations  over, I spend every weekend embraced in the hands of a 'pretty woman'."

 He wanted the alarm to wake her up from her sleep and also wanted a little time to get his bearings clear in the head before doing anything else, the alarm turned off automatically. "Now it will ring again in 2 minutes. wow. That is technology. God bless mobile phones."; he murmured a silent prayer and thought about his wife. "She is with her parents now, feeling blessed and happy carrying what people say as my child. Hhmm it is true." He sighed coz he knew she had all the fun before getting married, but then after that she has been adamant about her vows and wouldn't even think about having an harmless swap with the D Souzas. "Mrs D was hot man, with aureoles bigger than the new ten rupee coins", his memory of Mrs. D made him grow and he slowly rubbed his groin. It was not all that a great feeling and his thoughts wandered back about his wife. "Even that was something the mobile phone did, a mistake or blessing?", he was not sure, but he did remember things, just like it all happened the day before the previous night. She studied at the nearby girls college and shared her hostel room with his class-mate Poornima, for whom he had hots. He realized he could kill two birds with a single sling shot, the first time she answered his phone call on Poornimas phone, while the owner of the phone was taking a shower. The phone was the hero again, and things worked out perfect. Everything was perfect, the text messages to the late night calls and finally to intense fake orgasms over the phone and many a time he knew the climaxes were not all fake. Thanks again to the little friend... But things took a U turn some time later. "I got bulldozed into this whole fucked up thing called marriage" His mind just continued on a path of its own. "When things went bad, I should have dumped her after college", he felt helpless for a while, completely blank and not sure about himself for a moment.

The brown aureoles of Mrs. D was the next thing that came into his mind, bringing a flash of life in his groin; as if he was in coma and then lightning struck on the genitals, like in the famous painting and then the libido jumped to life.

06:55 AM
"Kiss me and smile for me..Tell me that you will wait for me..Hold me like you will never let me go...coz I am leaving on a jet plane...oh babe i hate to go"

He listened to the country song with more patience this time, before divulging his thoughts on to something else. "My wake up call and I have to leave my beloved, the bed and not the woman who is lying in it. But the female design lying by the side got another purpose to fulfill."  All thoughts again. But this time more like a soldier in combat, thinking about what is to be done about the problem at hand, the stir of the libido caused by Mrs. D. His hands stretched to the other side, going under the bed sheet, in search of the feminism sharing his bed. "hhmm her skin is smooth even in the morning after being washed off all the lotions and scents that women apply. Better still, she hasn't bothered to get dressed up after the episode of flesh's love at night. This will be good, quick and fast. I could stagger to the bathroom only 2 minutes late than the usual time. Maybe if things stretch a bit, late by 5 minutes, not more than that".

The shrewd brain of the lawyer worked out the probabilities from a clocks perspective and the hands which were grazing on the small tiny hairs near her naval, made a sudden rush down south as soon as the target was locked in the brain. He quickly climbed on top of her, making her wake up, with a smile. She responded encouragingly, "this female is good, not much fuss. She even knew to fake a smile," his mind always had something to say about everything. He leaned into her and her hands guiding him, her legs making way for his manhood. His lips slowly sought hers, making a wet trail from her bosom up. She tilted her head, not wanting him to kiss her on the lips. But then he had no plans of withdrawing the offense, his lips finally managed to find hers, but then all he could do was kiss her closed lips. "She don't want me to kiss her proper, because she didn't brush", his mind would never stop. Then he remembered, "maybe it is because I haven't brushed and she don't want me to kiss her".

Everything came to an end, an abrupt end to a tale of flesh without reaching the climax. She looked at him wondering whether she did something wrong, but didn't get an answer from his face. "Maybe it is because I didn't let him kiss me", she pondered and blurted out. "What happened ?" He answered, "just confused why you didn't let me kiss you. Is it because I haven't brushed and you will have to bear with my smelling mouth or is it because you haven't brushed and I will be forced to bear with yours?" She didn't know what to say back, but to kiss him fully on his mouth. Hers was an act of desperation, she didn't know why she didn't let him kiss her initially, but then didn't want that to end an extra tid-bit she might earn and maybe a moment of bliss even she would share. Her legs wrapped around him with more vigor and he obliged. Kissing her and driving himself into her like a beast.

"Kiss me and smile for me..tell me that you will wait for me.....leaving on a jet plane.."

He arched his back, she drove her nails into him and the alarm sounded all in a series. A final thrust and then spasms of weightlessness and bliss, when he emptied himself into her. "All over in 3 or 4 seconds, but it always seems like eternity", he thought while rolling off her. Slowly he walked out of the bed and headed to the loo. "Bang, I made it within the limited time ! " 7:00AM and in the bathroom, he thought about the story unveiled on bed moments earlier. He heard the bathroom door opening and she walked in. She looked at him, standing nude under the shower and said, "I didn't let you kiss me initially because, I thought you might smell horrible, which you did. But then when you stopped while we were doing it, I remembered that you been good with me the whole night and it wouldn't hurt me the least, if you kissed me without brushing. Also I became conscious of the money I might lose."

"Kiss me and smile for me..tell me that you will wait for me...hold me like you will never.....leaving on a jet plane."
"Damn. I haven't switched off the alarm yet", he thought as he heard the music while getting out from the shower. She was getting ready to leave, all dressed up. He took his wallet, gave her a good stack of green bills. Then as an afterthought told her, "don't go until I leave, you can shower, make food and wait for me when I come back, if you want. I will leave the keys here and you can decide upon it. You can stay with me for a week or till I get bored of you and I will pay you as usual." He didn't wait for her to reply, but took out a shirt from the closet and started getting dressed and she leaned forward and started buttoning his shirt for a change.

a tale of prodigal love (continued 1)


"Oh  fuck !", he sighed as he bumped his car on to his neighbors, in the parking space, he didn't care about being loud. He wanted to be in office by 8AM and by no means was he a Michael Schumacher nor this the F1. He looked around and made sure none saw the damage and with no hesitation kept the foot on the gas. "I could deal with the neighbors car later, if he ever finds out that it was me who made the dent", his mind had worked out the probabilities the time he was looking around, screening the area for witnesses. Like a sponge, the brain absorbed the scene and worked out the permutations, all in seconds. His brain or rather his ability to absorb details and work out the combination was a thing he had been always proud of. He cared not much about anyone else, "self-centered and not selfish, mind you", he always reminded his acquaintances whenever they mentioned it. He couldn't stop a smile from appearing on his face, if ever a picture of that smile was captured, it would have had expressed him more than any human who ever knew him. He never shared his thoughts. It was all private, layer by layer stacked in someplace.

"What is so urgent that the Partner wanted to meet me first thing in the morning? Things been well, my stats are on track..what could it be about? Does he know something about my nights with his daughter?", his brain was always like this, a big processor which keeps analyzing data and tries to answer questions. He was clueless and his thoughts reached a wall. "At least the traffic is not bad, I could easily make it by 7:50", he said to himself and pressed down on the gas with a bit more of vengeance and his mind wandered on to the woman in his flat. "I need to ask her name in the evening", he remembered. "Names never mattered for a night, but when things were the same for a week, yeah some name did make sense. If it is some hard one to pronounce, then I will call her Sarah, for the sake of old times", he thought with a sarcastic grin.


"Good morning young man... Ram, before you sit down, please make some coffee for me and then we can start", the Partners voice boomed as he walked into the chamber. After a long gaze at him added as an afterthought, "You please make one for you as well. You look like you haven't slept... So you do get to witness this time of the day when duty calls? I thought you wouldn't make it on time after what I heard from my daughter about you in the party last night." "This is the problem with that bitch", he whispered to himself, "she believes having slept with me, she has absolute right over me. Every time I go with any girl other than her, she goes tell her papa about my drinking and how big a flirt I am and this never happens if I had spent the previous night entangled with her in my bed. Bitch ! Got to talk to her about that. Her papa owns me or rather pays my bills but not her".

"You must be wondering, why I wanted to see you up so early in the day?, well I feel you need to be informed about our client before she comes. Her name is Sarah, an engineer working with Woogle. She had called yesterday and said she needs a good young criminal lawyer, who has the mind of a criminal". The partner updated him about the reason behind the wish to meet him at 8 in the morning. He had a chuckle when he added, "I could think of a few if only the first criterion was to met, but she was quite vehement about the second criterion and not the first. I could think of none other than you, who would fit the bill perfectly". "Oh that is my pleasure for being of help to you", he replied and thought "bloody hell, the old goose knows that I have been screwing his daughter and this is his idea of revenge, dragging me up early in the day to attend to some divorce case, as if the whole life of earth depended on it."

a tale of prodigal love (continued 2)


He couldn't believe his eyes as he looked up to see the female walking down the corridor, "so the client was in fact HER", he thought, it was this females memory that had made him want to name the woman at his place Sarah. "Small world isn't it," he said as she walked in, extending his arms, a moments hesitation and she shook his hand. "Indeed it is a small world. I never thought I will be meeting you today. Now that I saw you here again, I know, I was exactly looking for someone like you", she said and looked up at the Partner and added, "I am happy with your choice of lawyer sir. In fact we were friends back during the college days and I am well aware of his abilities."

The partner looked baffled, he knew there was something more than what was put on display. "There definitely is a story underneath, but that could wait till we get to hear her problem and if it is worth the time then the story can be heard after we get her to sign the papers." She sensed the doubt in the partners mind and started with her reason for coming, "I need a divorce on the grounds of domestic violence and a good healthy maintenance if possible. I have been married for 5 years now, but couple of months back, my husband came to know about an affair I had while in college and things been different since then. He has been drinking too much and beating me up regularly. Things can never be the same and I feel I should leave him to fight with his devils and I carry on with my life."

The ease with which she said about it made the mind of the two males present in the room wander. The partner thought about the case at hand, the chances of winning it and the percentage he will be asking as his fee, "this is one strong case, the lady is educated and strong. She wont break down in the court and we can settle in with a good maintenance, if we play it straight. hhmmm things will be easier if she can provide a thread of dirt on him to probe on and make him look dirty". While Ram's mind was comprehending the change in the girl he knew and the woman who was in his office today, "she looks the same. Maybe has grown a little fuller at the right places, it has only added grace to her..", his mind did a quick-run of how they had met initially and how things turned out.

She was a shy girl from a very small town pursuing her dreams, studying in Cochin. The wonder called mobile phone was what opened the gates for him, into her life. He remembered vividly the day when they made love for the first time, the tears that followed, the sobs of losing something which she always treasured and the vain efforts to comfort her. Finally she stopped crying when he promised her that he will marry her as soon as he passes out of college. Then it was always a routine, she spend many a nights with him in his moderate accommodation, making love and fixing many a meal for him. She wanted to move with him and make the bond stronger, as if she wanted to tell the world that she was not afraid to be making love with her loved one without the security of marriage. But he never agreed to that. How could he? a constant female in his pad would mean 'no' to all other females who might adorn his bed. And finally when she came in un-announced one night, she found him naked with her friend in the shower and cry was all she did. Amidst sobs she kept repeating, "you took everything I had." She left for her native and he never heard anything more.

"Your case seems to be strong and we could go ahead with the filing of papers as soon as possible..", he quickly became aware of the place he was at and listened to what the Partner was saying, "Ram will deal with your issue and do the best we can. Trust him, your divorce is safe in his hands".


"So you are saying, all this happened because your husband came to know about us?", he asked. She nodded her head and he had nothing to tell her back and so said in a professional reassuring tone "don't worry, everything will be over soon and you will be safe", saying this he saw her off from his office, after taking a note of her phone number.

a tale of prodigal love (continued 3)

 “On a dark dessert high-way, cool wind in my hair.......welcome to the hotel California”

“Oh fuck, I forgot to turn on the silent mode”, Ram thought and all the heads in the court room turned to him, trying to figure, from which part of this lean fool was the music coming, making a clown of law, just like he looked. Red eyed and with the starting of a tattoo visible, behind the unruly locks falling over his ears. It was a regular day of work after the surprise of the morning, running around getting things done and hungry because of skipping grub in the morning and that is when SHIT HAPPENED, just like the bumper stickers.  The mobile screen read ‘Sarah calling’ and out of curiosity, rather than anything else, he excused himself to attend the call.

“Yeah Sarah, tell me...” he said in a muffled tone so that none could overhear him. “Can we meet for lunch today at the City Park restaurant, like old times? I need to speak to you about an important thing, which I couldn’t while we met earlier”, she answered him with a question, the talent that god blessed the fairer members of the species with and he agreed to meet her for lunch.


Driving to the restaurant, he remembered the ‘biriyani’ which had made the place his favorite, the fact that it was so very near to his college the extra cherry. He could sit the three fourth of an hour out with someone at the restaurant, enjoying a smoke and could easily walk in when the roll call began in class. Nothing has changed much, he was proud to be a lawyer who attended only the roll call, who popped in to plead his case; maybe his arrogance, maybe his ignorance, but he never cared enough to find the right reason. “What could be so urgent, that she wanted to meet me at the good old restaurant today itself?”, his brain failed to find the reason for this question, though he probed so very hard for an hour. “Maybe, I should quit the smoke and the vodka. It is alright to make me sterile now; it really doesn’t matter. But if my brain can’t find answers, I am done”, since though by mistake of his beloved better-half and her ‘so called dreams’, he did prove his virility but he was yet to give birth to his master piece, some dream about which he was not yet sure of.


She was there waiting for him, at the corner table away from almost all the prying eyes wearing a black dress. “Damn. She still could make heads turn and eyes pop out”, it was what flashed across his mind this time when he shook her hands. “hhhmm Sarah, tell me what could be so important that you wanted to meet me twice the same day, after like 10 years”, he asked her. “You haven’t changed a bit Ram, still the same, impatient and restless asshole. First let us eat Ram, satisfy the call of tummy, for which you and I are living and then talk”, she sat down and glanced at the waiter; who came running, remembering them from younger days. “Two chicken biriyani and lemonade”, she placed the order, her eyes leaving him alone not, for a moment; trying her best to read what is going through his mind.

“It has been very long Sarah, since we met. So I am naturally all curious,” he was ready with defense, the young shark that circled the dark waters of law in Cochin always had a defense, “let us eat and then talk like you said”. “I don’t want to keep you in the dark for long, Ram. What I have to tell you has nothing to do with the case. Rather, it is personal and I felt it right to ask you first before doing something stupid”, her words were measured. “I lost my virginity to you in the excitement of college and I am still paying for it, with the latest thing that has happened. I cried initially and even thought about putting an end to my life, but then I was naïve and young. With time, I forgave you and even managed to forget you. But my stupid husband left me 6 months back because, he thought he could sleep around even after marriage, but the news of his wife being in an intimate affair in college, was all that it took him to slam the door on me. Male chauvinist pig. I should have known better,” she said with contempt, hatred at its epitome.

“I have a proposition to make, which I believe would be of your interest”, he was clueless what she had to offer. She kept looking at his eyes, wanting to catch the demons, if they ever danced, but none did. She felt confident to go ahead, kept her hand in his and continued, “I don’t want to make the mistake of marriage again. But, one thing I will miss is the sex. I could get a boyfriend, but then it might turn out to be just like old times. I can’t risk it again, the gossips and talks that might follow and then the stupid drama of a marriage and all the crap that comes along. I need a discreet relation, wherein I could just be myself and not hide anything. I thought about it for long and after meeting you in the morning, I felt, you would fit into the piece perfect. I know none as discreet as you and you are not all that bad in bed”. Her words took him by surprise, Sarah was asking him to be her lover-in-bed and this time the hassle of marriage wouldn’t even surface. He didn’t need to think much, “Yes, I would love to do it with you and don’t worry about being discreet. The proposition you just made will be awesome once my wife comes back. She wouldn’t ever know about this and I will wait this circus called marriage to get over. I will be discreet, but I need the same from you as well.”

"Aaah great. I knew you wouldn’t disappoint me this time”, she leaned across and kissed him on the cheek, making him blush, like a teenager after being kissed for the first time. “I would like to start this new relation of ours at the earliest, if possible within the hour”, she added. He did want to go along with her suggestion, but the realities sunk in. He had some important clients to meet in the afternoon and missing the meeting might tilt his already ‘hanging at the cliff’, job situation, because of sleeping with the Boss’s daughter. Also, the female he had called the last night might still be in his flat. “Hhmm I will give her some extra money and send her home tomorrow morning”, he thought and added, “Sarah, I would love to get naked with you and be one with you now, at this very moment if possible. But then, I have some important things to attend today and I guess tomorrow would be like a perfect time for us to start with this new relation of ours. After all, if we could wait 10 years, I guess we could manage one more day”. She smiled making him remember her from younger days and said, “that is alright Ram, I will be ready and waiting for you tomorrow evening at 7PM here in City Park”

Ram thanked his stars while driving back to the office, the equations just got better. Sarah would spice things up and better still she still looks a stunner.

a tale of prodigal love (continued 4)


There was a spring in his steps when he got out from the car after parking it near his flat. The watchman called him and he remembered, “shit, they found who made the dent in that new car”, he thought as he walked to the watchman. “Sahib, your friend left the flat keys with me. Here it is,” he said innocently. “Haan ok. Thank you Mishra,” he mouthed a thanks and wondered what a great day it has been.

There was nothing missing that he could think about, from his flat. “It was stupid to have left the keys with her, thank god, she was the good kind”, he said loudly and typed in ‘SARAH’ on his mobile phone and called her. “Hey change of plans, can we meet for dinner tonight instead of tomorrow?”, “yeah off course, I don’t mind”, she answered. She gave him the driving directions to her place and they agreed to meet in 2 hours time, enough time for her to get ready or cook something, whatever she wanted.

He scrubbed himself clean under the shower and applied a generous portion of cologne. He wanted to smell great for her, it was something he never thought will happen, but was happening and excited he surely was.


He lifted her ,the time she opened the door, embracing her and kissing on the lips. His lips sought hers, kissing softly and then slowly like a serpent, his tongue darted out and forced her lips to open. She reciprocated and both were lost in a battle of tongues, as if sucking the life out of each other. Her legs were wrapped around his waist and he held her tight to his chest. Like an animal, she was hissing, urging him to force her open and fill her with himself. A bitch in heat, she tore away his shirt and burrowed her head on his chest, licking his nipple and slowly biting them. He couldn’t take it much longer and surrendered himself to her, hopelessly in lust. She dragged his denim down and knelt down to fondle his manhood. “oohh she did learn quite a lot from the last time we met”, his mind always had a way of its own. He pulled away from her and tore the night dress which posed a resistance between them and forced himself inside her. It was not hard, she had adjusted herself and he slipped in with minimum resistance, “wow, who said the world is a big place. I am treading on the same path that I took ten years back”, he thought as he entered her. The groins grinded, and she bit him on the neck and the force with which she was biting kept increasing with every thrust. The ten years of waiting was too much for both to handle and her moans grew louder and louder. Finally like an eruption, he came inside her, filling her and she tasted blood on her lips from his neck.

Breaths heavy, hearts pounding and still her legs around him hadn’t loosened and they lied down on the cold floor entangled. “It was awesome…the first time I am feeling after ages”, she said and he nodded, “yeah it was great”.

They were not done yet, the next time they were slow, awakening each other and softly and slowly like a newly married couple, as if making love for the first time; they consummated their union again and again till the early hours of dawn. He couldn’t remember when he slept, but sure did know that even while sleeping she had wanted him to be inside her and kept kissing his forehead as he drifted to sleep.

“Kiss me and smile for me..tell me that you will wait for me..hold me like you will never let me go..….I am leaving on a jet plane.”

Sarah’s eyes were still closed when he opened his, listening to the alarm. “Hhmm life truly is mysterious”, he smiled and slowly tried get out of bed. “Good morning Ram”, she opened her eyes, smiled at him and said, “trying to get out of here like you always do after the magic is over? But this time you won’t WELCOME TO THE CLUB !!”

He couldn’t believe his ears, so asked her yet again, “what did you just say?” She smiled at him with a pity and said, “Ram, you had sex the whole night with an HIV + person. The story about the divorce was just something to get to you. The incidents are true, but it happened 6 months after marriage and not now. He left me because he heard about you and the bastard slept around a lot all the time he was married. I tried having whatever all you and my husband was having, and boy the ride was fun. And finally I ended up being infected and I am not sure from whom. But then, in my heart I knew whom to blame…YOU… You changed my life for the worse, giving rise to a chain of events, wherein I was just a pawn, a spectator helpless to mend it. It is time for you to pay. Suffer in the knowledge that you will die a painful long death, secluded from your friends the next time your insurance people examine you for the annual checkup and let out the news."  

Speechless and devastated, he sank on to his knees, holding his head and cursing the day when everything started.

Monday, March 7, 2011


It is getting late. The bus leaves in one hours time. I guess, I truly live up to the belief of my forefathers, the so called disciples of St. Thomas, we believe in things only after touching  and learning it for ourselves. I made true of my ability to stand up the same way. I scrambled on to my feet from the couch and I proved to myself, I could stand. The rickety ride to the 'Majestic' in an old auto-rickshaw did me no good but the fighter inside never takes a defeat. When all caution and common-sense advised me to get a good nights sleep and party again the next night, I couldn't. I walked an imaginary straight line to the bus, climbed the steps, as if it was the first step of human kind on Mars; I managed to dump my bag underneath my seat and settle down in slumber, all in a matter of minutes.

Bangalore, the beer capital didn't fancy me anymore. I wanted ocean. I wanted to spend the weekend basking in the tropical sun and not rubbing my perspiration on a stranger on the dimly lit dance floor. I couldn't stand the odor of the intoxicating mixture, sweat and cologne for one more day. I wanted a week-end out at the beach, cleansing myself of that nauseating smell of Bangalore. My mean of making it happen, very simple, get the next bus to Mangalore. But, then I hadn't ever thought I will be making this journey drunk, in a semi conscious state, trying with all my might to remember the name of the place I was supposed to get down. The dizziness of vodka mixed with the long day that was coming to an end, made sure that my fellow passengers had an occasional snore to keep them company.

The throbbing pain in my bladder, it is the thing that got me awake from  the  blissful slumber. The bus was moving fast, sketching shades of orange, on the long serpent adorning the western ghats. Nature was enjoying, the pain I was in, my necessity to take a leak and the big barrier called Kannada, which I never tried learning. I phrased the words I wanted to say to the driver, rehearsing it, I walked to the front and out of no-where came another person right behind me, holding a bottle of water. This good Samaritan, said something in an outburst, which I recognized as Kannada and in no time, the driver slammed on the break pedal. Wow.. Mission accomplished even without opening my mouth.

I got down, walked to a little dark bush nearby, unzipped my pant and I hear the growl of the new volvo engine. Good thing to do! I thought to myself, got to admit the driver is sensible. It is a mountain road through the jungle and badly lit, wanting to park the vehicle where the road is a bit more wide, is being responsible. But, then the driver had other plans, he didn't start it to park it at a safer place, but to continue the journey, following the serpent. I ran behind, struggling to close my zipper, but he never heard. The good Samaritan had already taken an off beat path down the hill, I ran up to him and asked him the reason why he got down. He pointed to the top of a hill, a single yellow dot marked his house and he continued his walk without even bothering to invite me over.

I am stranded, with 10 rupees in my back pocket on a mountain road. My wallet is in my bag and so is everything else, safe and secure in the bus. Fear welled up inside me, I ran for some time, waving at all passing cars for a lift. But then, a stranger in the middle of a night, with a drizzle settling in, on a mountain road, is the last one, any straight headed man would want to offer a lift. I couldn't breath, I shouldn't have run. It did me no help other than making me tired and struggle for breath. I am wet, with sweat and rain. I feel cold, I feel alone. I would have exchanged all the treasures I compiled, for a mug of coffee. The cold wind dampening not just the body, but also the spirit. I am willing to face the other demons in the morning, in daylight. I want shelter, I want some place to sit down, away from the rain and the cold wind, but shelter proved elusive. Stranded in the middle of no-where, a night spend wondering about the luck of my stars which made me get down from the bus to take a leak.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

sukham olla oru MARANAM

സുഖം ഒള്ലാ ഒരു മരണം 
a leisurely DEATH
I breath. I eat. I live Do I?

dawn is making way for the dusk, the Omnipotent works his wonders burrowed in mystiques. change, the secret behind, "the green grass, the blue sky, in this beautiful world..." as the song goes, is the biggest of them all. from my mothers womb (it is the hidden catholic inside me speaking i believe), till this day, it has all been a good vacation. change, i witnessed, or rather i thought i witnessed. i had fun playing alive.

a thing so intriguing, the period before my conception &  the one after i leave this flesh i am wearing; i feel ashamed to be called a man, the wisest of all. my imagination fails making true my conception again. but...

a probe into future, the real future, blissful  it will be. the perverted Mr. Omnipotent, blessed us with a void, when the other period surfaces. I wish to be awake from this dream called life, i need my answers. death, my twin in this dream, she is the only one who could quench my thirst. a leisure, death surely will be.
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